Unforgiveness can hide in the quiet caves of the heart and live out loud other times. It can be thunderous, murderous, bitter joy killer. It can create major blocks in the physical, spiritual and emotional body but most of the time we don't notice it's impact until our condition has become chronic. Even then we may not recognize the root of the problem. Unforgiveness hides. It has perfected it's disguises. Because unforgiveness turns into something like passive aggressiveness whereby we don't usually lash out at the individual(s) who hurt us, we internalize it and wash ourselves with the feelings of apathy, mistrust, and resentment over and over again.
The dirty, ugly, tar like feeling of unforgiveness can smolder our radiant light and suck the nectar of life from us.
Being the judge.
Dwelling on the injustice of the situation.
Waiting watching for it to happen again.
These are all symptoms of unforgiveness.
When we think of or God forbid, see the person who harmed us, we relive the experience and the emotions continuously. As we continue to carry the resentments inside of us we are constantly washing our cells and neurons with these thoughts and emotions thus keeping ourselves trapped in a cycle that attracts more despair, grief and pain into our lives. More lies, more despair, more pain. Is that what you really want for your one precious life?
As we allow ourselves to heal from the grips of unforgiveness, we make an agreement with ourselves to no longer give someone the control over how we feel emotionally, physically or how we thrive spiritually. By releasing resentment and grudges, we are essentially saying yes to an unstuck life.
When you move the big cinder block of unforgiveness, you may notice other blocks still remain. One block is usually hiding another so don't be surprised when something else rears its ugly head. Instead, try to re-frame your thinking to embrace the idea that by doing the work of dismantling blocks, you are removing blocks that are keeping the flow of life from moving through you. As we remove the blocks, we begin to move the pain.
You may notice the block of victimization. You may also notice your attachments to being a victim and feel reluctant to let it go. If this comes up for you, be honest and ask yourself what benefits you receive from being a victim. Then begin to image the potential for your life outside of victim-hood.
Remember, that if we view ourselves as victims and we believe that someone has victimized us, we are granting them power over us.
A few more thoughts here:
1. As you being to remove blocks, such as unforgiveness, you may in fact experience stronger emotions of pain, guilt, discomfort. Rumi once said, "the cure for the pain is in the pain". Try to stay with yourself as fully as you can as you begin to experience these heightened sensations.
2. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. You will not forget. But you can take the reins of your life out of the hands of those who have wronged you. Forgiveness means freeing yourself.
3. Establish a plan to forgive. You don't have to forgive someone right away - that can be unrealistic but establishing a plan to forgive that supports you in your stages of growth will help you to remove this damaging block.
4. Be prepared to have to overcome years of conditioned behaviors that sprouted as a result of unresolved resentment. You may be dealing with a deep seated form of unforgivness that has been with you for many years; hurts that you have nurtured and believe can never be resolved. It is important to consciously prepare yourself to let go of the pain even though the other person may never apologize to you for their actions.
Preparing to Forgive:
Meditation links have been included for you to refer to prior to beginning your writing activity and journal reflection.
Please feel free to use any other meditation that you feel will support you.
The meditations for this reflection have been included to help support your healing and uplift you. These and other Kundalini Yoga meditations can help you to develop your personal power so that you can change undesirable patterns of behavior.
There are four different steps to this activity:
- Meditation (choose from the two included or your own)
- Unforgiveness Reflection and Journal Writing
- Write a Forgiveness Letter
- Reflection on the activities (share within the included form)
Step One: Meditate
Meditate for at least 10 minutes.
Choose one of the two meditations included or one you prefer. Please note that instruction is provided prior to the meditations in each of these videos. It is important that you know how to properly conduct the meditation. Once you have a good sense of how to use the meditation on your own, feel free to turn off the video, turn on your insight timer and partake in meditation for at least 10 minutes. If you do not prefer either of these meditations, please jot that down in the reflection prompt below. Your feedback is important.
Step Two: Activity
Grab a notebook and a pen. Prepare to free write as much as possible to capture insights from the subconscious mind.
Take in a deep breath and begin:
Who in your life have you not forgiven?
What would your life be like if you chose, wholeheartedly to forgive them?
Now, look inside.
What have you not forgiven yourself for?
How has that impacted your life. Be Specific.
Who else has been impacted by your inability to forgive? (think of your relationships with children, your spouse, lovers, parents)
What comfort do you take in re-living the pain? Be honest.
What thoughts of revenge may energize you and bring you a sense of satisfaction?
Dig in a little deeper.
Who would you like to receive forgiveness from?
How will receiving their forgiveness impact your life?
Write a letter to someone who has hurt you, betrayed you, lied to you.
In this letter, help them to understand your feelings and how the experience(s) have impacted your life.
Next, write a return letter from this person to you. Write the letter from their viewpoint.
Reflection. Please complete the reflection form.