Anytime I unconsciously create from the shadow, I weave in fear and confusion into my relationships. When this happens, my “vulnerable sharing” comes from a place of desperation; desperation to feel loved, valued, and connected to others.
In a drive towards a 50/50 society where women fight to rise out of the ashes of the oppressed sex roles of the past, we have traded in our innate qualities of intuition, sensuality, and seduction, to adopt the more masculine attributes of left brain thinking, competition, and determination.
We’ve learned that being too vulnerable may show signs of weakness and dependency so we veer to the left, bury our emotions and desires in an effort to show how independent we are. We put on our pants, tighten our belt buckles and we prove that we can wear our britches even better than our men. Some of us even make more money, run the family business and still raise the children while balancing the scales of society’s expectations in our hand. We have mastered the masculine and created an imbalance in the feminine.
This imbalance often leaves us craving for deeper sexual experiences and connection with our lover. But in order for us to experience the level of sacred sexuality that we long for, it’s essential that we once again embody the feminine.
What does it mean to drop into your femininity and how pray tell, do you do that when we as a society are so accustomed to being disengaged from the feminine?
Below are some rituals that I’ve implemented in my own life to help me to heal old sex and love wounds that kept me from enjoying healthy relationships with the men in my life. Applying these rituals on a daily basis, for five minutes or longer, have helped me to reclaim my sexuality and embody my feminine, magnetic nature.
Here’s the great news: these rituals are applicable whether you have been married for eons, single and looking for a partner or somewhere in between. Your goal is to master the art of seducing yourself and unraveling the mystery of your own radiance.
Have fun as you explore!
Oh, how I love pleasure. Both seeking and giving. It makes me feel all warm inside just thinking about pleasure. One of my favorite pleasure rituals takes place in the morning before I start my day. I lay in bed for a few moments, giving thanks for another day and then I softly breathe the entire front side of my body. I began by bringing my breath up from my yoni (Sanskrit for sacred place AKA my pussy) up to my belly button and then back to my yoni again. I pulse my pelvic floor gently in an effort to stimulate my creative juices all the while activating my sexual energy.
Wake up in the morning and caress yourself tenderly. Massage your breast, your belly, your soft and warm yoni. I keep a bottle of almond oil lightly infused with lavender on my nightstand for this very purpose. Breast and yoni massage are so wonderful and nourishing to the feminine body and are a sure fire way to start stoking the passionate fire of your inner goddess.
Should you go run and see yourself in the mirror after this sexy pleasure ritual, you might notice that soft glow all around you. You just flipped the switch on your radiance!
With your radiance switch turned on, your sexual magnetism is intensified and you become more lustrous inside and out. Being a woman never felt so good!
The purpose of this ritual is not per say to engage in masturbation or yummy morning sex although both are welcome, instead, I suggest the intention for this ritual to be for you and all about you tapping into your pleasure, slipping into your radiance and welcoming yourself into the new day in the most loving way you can.
Sacred Dance Rituals
Awaken the goddess and dance!
Engaging in sacred dance is an incredibly healing way to harness your body's innate wisdom and sacred sexuality. Practice-wide juicy hip circles, gyrate your hips and let the movements be like water flowing through you. Allow yourself to be unedited, raw and real as you bring all of your feminine parts to the surface. Implore all that is wonderful and terrifying about you. Dancing in this way can help you to reconnect with the instinctual, primal desire that is often repressed and suppressed in today’s society. But there are no routines or scripts here so put your favorite tunes on and dance to your heart's content. This dance is a celebration to love yourself exactly as you are, stir your erotic nature and heal your relationship with the feminine.
Drop the “shoulds” and do what you want to do that will bring you joy. If you feel like you “should” be meditating or “should be practicing yoga, exercising, (fill in the blank), then don’t do that. You are seeking pure joy during this ritual time.
Maybe some strawberries and whip cream right out of the canister? Perhaps your joy will come from blasting music and jump up and down on your bed the way you did when you had a sleepover with your girlfriends. Not only will jumping on the bed bring a big grin to your face but it’s also great for revving up the heart and moving your lymphatic system which is essential to a healthy sex life. Double bonus!!
When I was a child, I absolutely loved fairy tales and other lore. As an adult woman and mother, I have found it healing to read myself short stories like, “Guess How Much I Love You.” to myself from myself. There is a little girl in all of us who has to be reminded of how much she is loved.
Read yourself a beautiful story to nourish your spirit and balance out that warrior prowess of yours. A simple gesture like this can help you to bring harmony and restore the sweetness and knowing of your intrinsic self-worth. When we as women are full and satisfied, we will not need anyone else to validate us. We can stand in our feminine power without tipping into the masculine pool of having to control everything and everyone.
Another favorite love ritual of mine is to get naked… in front of a mirror. This ritual is designed to help increase self-love and help heal wounds of unworthiness.
Begin by standing in front of a mirror a full-length mirror is terrific for this practice but any large mirror will do. As you stand there, drink in every ounce of yourself - head to toe. Let go of the judge, just notice.
Slowly begin to undress. Take your time and notice what it feels like to have the layers of clothing and undergarments fall away from your body.
Imagine that as you disrobe, you are also disassembling the layers of the past that have shrouded you and kept you hidden. Look fiercely for the divine in you and then watch her emerge with the most soft, compassionate eyes possible. Allow your eyes to scan each beautiful ,sacred scar, your breast, your belly. Speak kind words to yourself as you allow your hands to caress your body. Allow the sound of your voice to be the sweet elixir to heal love wounds.
Kiss your shoulders, your arms as you caress and adorn your body with the warm, fragrant, oil.
One of my favorite embodiment rituals is when I lovingly caress myself in the presence of my lover. I especially love this ritual when we are out on a dinner date or are in public but are in close proximity to one another.
When you are with your partner, remember to breathe in deeply and slowly. Taking in your breath, allow yourself to be intoxicated by your own sweet essence. I also suggest beginning to caress your leg gently, do this subtly. The idea is to not to get your partner's intention, but to make delicate, discrete movements to help you to become embodied.
Be present to yourself. Feel the warmth of your flesh beneath the delicate touch of your fingers. Begin to gently squeeze your pelvic floor to stimulate the flow of nectar. Your lover won’t be able to help but to gaze with desire upon you and will quickly see the glow of beauty and sweetness emanating from you.
In many ways, I find this practice is one of self-soothing, helping me to calm nervous energy and to come down from the cloudy spaces of my mind. This practice is perfect for new and seasoned partnerships. Try it out and put your own spin on it!
There are many more rituals but here are a few to get you started as you embark on your journey through Inner Intimacy.
These rituals can create radical, alchemical change in your life when you choose to fully engage in all of your senses. You will increase your body’s natural sensitivity to pleasure and joy as you delicately weave the aspects of shadow and light that emerge from each practice. Keep a journal nearby to capture the insights that arise!
There may have been times in our lives when our right to choose was taken from us, but now, I pray you are in a place where you are empowered to choose and decide.
One of the joys of our empowerment is that we can try on new possibilities for our lives. We can shed many of the choices that don't inspire us to be our best selves, including our jobs or relationships, in search of new ways of being.
We don't have to stay stuck, and if we do, it's because we are choosing to. This in itself is evidence of our ability to make empowered decisions - it just so happens to be an example of a disempowered choice.
I was four years old when my abuse began. It began as sexual and then as abuse often does, it took root and splintered into many other forms physical, verbal, and emotional.
My abusers new the art of trickery and deceit well. As a young girl, they taught me many things. I learned to speak only when I was spoken to; to obey my elders; to not tell our family's "business". I was taught to hide the truth and bury it deep inside.
When my abuse came to the surface, adults who should have loved and protected me forced me to hide the truth, not only from other members of the family but the authorities as well. This hiding only gave my abusers more access to me and so the abuse continued into my teenage years.
I LEARNED TO LEAVE MY BODY
I learned to leave my body as a way to protect myself from the abuse I was experiencing. But I left so often that it was difficult to return to it and when I did, only a part of me seemed to arrive.
My body feeling as though your own body is a stranger. I began to hate my body and before I knew it, the seeds of shame that had been planted so long ago, began to flower.
I did not realize it at the time but as a young girl, I had begun living according to a false script.
I hid behind the script and created an entirely different persona that appeared happy and full of life. I deflected and projected and for years and functioned remarkably well in this trance-like way. What no one knew is that I felt dead inside and because of this I attracted dead relationships that further depleted me and contributed to the separation I felt from myself, including my body and from others.
I STRUGGLED WITH DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE
For years I struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, and body dysmorphia. As a teenager, I tried to bury my emotions with drugs and alcohol which only furthered my disillusionment in life and left me feeling more hollow.
My wounds showed up as eating disorders, played out in hypersexual activity, and self-sabotaging behaviors that made it difficult for me to have genuine relationships. As a parent, these wounds made it hard for me to bond with my children and at times caused me to withhold affection.
AWAKENING FROM THE TRANCE
I did not know how separated I was from myself until I had to make my way back.
Through yoga and meditation, I was able to make my way back home. Home to myself - home to my beautiful, feminine, body. By learning to love myself and my body, I was able to heal my sex wounds. I learned to embrace my magnificence and finally began to see my body as a vessel of light and grace instead of the shame and disgrace.
Sex turned from something loathsome into a beautifully enriching experience that I could share with another being. My passion and love for myself and my lover were often insurmountable! By tapping into my wild feminine essence, I had unlocked a sacred aspect of myself that I had hidden away years and years prior.
By attuning to our own deeply, intuitive and wild feminine needs, we can begin to transform what feels broken and beyond repair. We begin to see just how powerful and magnificent we are! This is the journey I want to offer to you.
Through devotional practices approached with respect and self-compassion, and love we will begin to peel back the layers of scripts and programming to reveal the truth of your divinely feminine power. During this weekend immersion, I will be sharing my self-care strategies and approaches to life that have helped me to move towards a more blissful and authentic way of life!
I am so excited to be co-creating the Way of the Wild Women with other incredible women who have been able to transform their painful experiences into living masterpieces of love, self-compassion, and devotion.
I know that is not easy to do, but I know that it can be done.
With so much love,