beautiful discomfort

There is beauty in difficult situations. How we see this depends on where we are in our personal journey and our willingness to "see" ourselves honestly and wholeheartedly.  

Yet, the most valuable learning opportunities often come from those things that cause us a great deal of discomfort. They lead us down paths lined with reminders of our greatest fears; our underdeveloped attributes which we mistake for shortcomings.  

These experiences put us in a state of dis-ease and bring up the threat of failure. They keep us immobile and stuck. We search for ways to comfort ourselves in these moments. We turn to unhealthy relationships, and sex, and drugs, and “the anything palliative” that will numb us.

We just want to get through the moment.

We just want to feel ease from the creeping sense of doom that rises up from within.

What if we shifted our desire from running to leaning into situations of discomfort as they arise? To find some ease in the understanding that amidst what appears to be great destruction is actually the face of creation shaping new paths within us?

Take this opportunity to reflect on a difficult situation in your life. To help guide you through this exercise, I have included a behavior pattern that I am currently working to transmute. 

Here it goes: 

One of the areas that I need to grow is with regards to compliance to people who I "believe" to have authority over me. I have a deep fear of failing or doing something wrong to fall out of their favor. The need to stay in favor is really the need to feel safe.

It has been my experience that when the wrath of people in authority is upon you, there is danger and discomfort.

At the same time, I hold a great disdain for compliance to people in authority over me and want the freedom to do what I want to do as I want to do it.

This creates an in-congruence in my behavior and also triggers unresolved emotions in me that impact my physiological and emotional state.

I share too much about myself and make myself way too vulnerable. This is also a need to be safe, to create allies so that I am not in danger. This stems from years of conditioning.

But this approach does not work.

When I am not mindful of my audience and I share openly,  it causes a lot of questions about me and leads people to judge me.

I can see this clearly now. I have had this pattern throughout my life but have never been able to see my behavior behind it until now.

Any character could be placed in this situation. I have re-enacted this pattern many times throughout my life. The scenario itself would be different but the underlying behavior would still be present.

Questions to ask myself:

  • Why do I believe people have authority over me.
  • Why am I choosing X power over me?
  • What do I need to learn in this situation?
    • I need to learn to trust myself more

Applying self-care

I am taking care to provide myself with some self-care and loving compassion. I am choosing to be gentle with myself. I am also choosing to see the gift in this because now I do not have to repeat the behavior. I can notice when I am participating in behaviors and choose something different.